Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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