i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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