yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
