Soap is not a condiment
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i believe in u and ur pee
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
