Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
