It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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