i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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