Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
