I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
