is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
In other news, I just burned my penis
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And then he peed in my hair
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