this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
