Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
