I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I will be naked everywhere
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
