R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
