omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
