He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
