If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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