Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
