I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
