forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
