Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
