she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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