It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
