The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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