even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
