I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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