You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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