Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
