these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
