The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
