Kiss
Puke
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
