i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
