I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
