At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
