Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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