Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
