Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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