just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
