Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
