he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
