O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
