i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
