I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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