I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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