Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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