I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
