I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
