do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
