saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
