Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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