brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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