Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish you could order shots online.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
