it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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