so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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