who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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