I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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