I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
